The Good, The Bad, The Amazing! Nuggets of Wisdom on Mothers-In-Law

I recall the incident quite vividly as if it happened yesterday yet it was over 15 years ago. I attended an event with my aunt and on our way back, a few of her friends decided to ride back with us. There were four of us and I was the only one not married.

I’m not sure how the discussion veered into the ‘mother in law’ territory but somehow it did and I will never forget how scared I was on that ride home. Each of them shared stories of their experiences in the hands of in laws; whether it was sister in law, brother in law, father in law and of course most of it centered on the mother in law. It was as if they were trying to outdo each other as the stories only got worse. That night, all the romantic idealizations that I ever had about my future husband and his family disappeared. I was already engaged and looking forward to marriage but nowhere in my imagination or dreams was there a horror story about in laws. After that incident, I knew there was a lot of work to be done and it was mostly to pray as I could not control the future. I prayed to God that I would have a different experience and that after our wedding, that I would not have similar horror stories.

Today, I have stories to tell, from my experience with my mother, father and sisters in law and they are not ‘horror stories’ Challenging? Yes, Trying? Yes, but not horrific. So I can say God answered my prayers. There was actually a time that I became closer to my mother in law than my mother. So much so, that I would pray for God to help me keep a balance. Eventually some things happened that jolted me into reality and I now know for sure that my mother in law can never be my mother and vice versa. However, I love them both, in their individual capacities.

So with over 15 in marriage and still learning, here are here are some life lessons I would like to share:

1. Your mother in law is not your mother neither is she your friend. Love and respect her but remember there is an invisible line you should never cross. She will never love you more than her son.

2. You have the upper hand: No matter how much your mother in law tries, one thing is clear – she does not sleep with her son. You are the one who goes into the bedroom with him and that is a very powerful thing. You can settle a lot of things behind closed doors. A wise woman will use that power smartly. Not to manipulate or be conniving, but be aware of it and use it appropriately.

3. Pick your battles. Not everything demands a battle cry. Stop and reflect on the motive behind the action. Is she doing this to get at you or is she doing it because she loves her son? Don’t make everything a big deal otherwise your husband will get tired of coming to your defense all the time.

4. Your husband is not stupid. He sees how you treat your side of the family compared to his side. If you are obviously partial, he will try to get even with you. You cannot claim to love him yet hate his family.

5. If you love your husband, you will take ‘crap’. Suck it up; write it as the price for love and peace in your home. If you want your marriage to be a loving one, you will have an imaginary closet with nothing on the other side of it. When offense arises from your in laws, you open the closet and throw the offence away, never to be seen again. Tag the closet ‘because I love him’. It will give you peace and your husband will love you more for the sacrifices you make on his behalf.

6. Can you take the litmus test? The bible says you will reap what you sow. Another way of saying this is ‘what you put into it is what you will get out of it’ So what is the litmus test? Can you pray to God to give you a daughter / son in law like yourself? If you can truthfully say that prayer, then you know that you are on good grounds.

Let me know if you took the test and the outcome. Comments are welcome.

Photo Credit: essence.com

Don’t let the Heat Stop You! RayJeweled Beauty shares “How to Get the Perfect Summer Makeup Look”

I understand how the summer weather can affect makeup and that’s why we have created this natural everyday look for everyone to try no matter your skin shade. I used minimal products, so you can easily find them and get your amazing finished look.
1.When creating a natural look, it is important for you to cater to your skin first before applying makeup. Drink a lot of water to give your skin a natural glow and keep it healthy. This ensures a beautiful finish to the skin when you apply foundation.
2. Before applying makeup, ensure your skin is cleansed and moisturized. Dirty skin can clog up your pores especially in hot weather and this would lead to pimples and spots.

3. Now, down to the makeup. I used ELF Skin Primer to help the  foundation stay on longer. ELF is a cheap product but it really does a great job in the summer. However, make sure you use one that is great for your skin. If you have oily skin try to stay away from oil based skin primers.

 4. I filled-in her eye brows slightly with a Sleek Eyebrow pencil and then brushed over it with an ELF eyebrow gel. The eyebrow gel ensures all hairs are aligned nicely and also allows the eyebrows stay defined for longer in the heat. The eyebrows were then cleaned up using a studio sculpt concealer and an angled brush.
It’s best to use a concealer that is in the same shade as your skin for a more natural look.
5. I then used an eye shadow base for her eye lids to ensure the eye shadow colour pops and stays on for longer. Only 3 different colours of eye shadows where used on her lid.
I used a skin coloured eye shadow to highlight under her eye brow which has a rich earthy tone. Be sure to use an eye shadow that is 1 or 2 shades lighter than your skin shade. I also used a dark brown eye shadow which was blended into her crease and lastly a lovely shimmery gold on  and under her eye lid.
Gold is a great colour for eye shadow and goes with any skin shade. Whether you’re very light or very dark there’s always the right gold for you. The reflectors on gold eye shadows bounce off the sun making your eyes glisten and pop
 .6. I then applied natural eyelashes on the model but alternatively you can just use eye lash lengthening mascara. I later used studio sculpt foundation, lightly using a stippling brush and studio sculpt concealer for under her eyes and any blemishes. Alternatively you can use a BB cream or you can mix your moisturiser with foundation for a lighter coverage.
For that extra glow you should use a bronzer. The one I have used here is the Sleek Contour Kit in medium. Using a bronzer makes the skin look youthful and glow without the makeup looking over done. If you tend to sweat a lot you can use blotting paper. Be sure not to re-apply makeup in the heat, your makeup can look caked and form wrinkles.
7. Lastly, I used a rose pink lip gloss on her lips that really complimented her skin.And that is the finished look. A natural looking makeup look for those hot days. Be sure to let me know any makeup tip you may have for wearing makeup in the heat.

BN Hot Topic: It’s Nothing, We’re Just Friends on Twitter

Was it 13 years ago that the world was buzzing with the “Y2K” expression? A whole 13 years! Where did the time go? From “tapping” Nitel lines, to trying to decide whether one should get a Samsung TruI or a Motorola M35… telecommunication has really evolved in Nigeria. Looking back from the time of Hi5, the first MySpace and Whisper2U, social media and online friendships have blossomed over and beyond imagination. Now, dating websites are advertised on television; all you need is the internet and the future is born.

The ease of forming friendships and bonds (real or imagined) is one of the interesting parts of new age social media. You find people “setting P” (building romantic relationships) on Twitter, Facebook and Blackberry Messenger, just to name a few. Many times, these relationships are simple friendships and completely kept within the realm of the internet. Other times, the relationships transcend into the physical and people hook up. A lot of times, you hear things like oh “He’s just my Twitter friend” and you’re corrected that the relationship is just an online one. This is simple, right? At least, it appears to be until you find out that your ‘real-life’ spouse is upset about a certain online friendship that you have.

About 10 years ago, I was part of a discussion web board called TalkNaija. I met some of the most important people in my life now on TN. Over the years, the TN crowd fizzled out and moved on but about 11 of us have remained close and have migrated to Blackberry Messenger. What has kept the core TN group together over the years even though we’re scattered across the globe? Our ability to laugh at each other and help each other through binds. Someone once asked me if our online friendships were ‘real’ and if I didn’t think
 that such online relationships had a way of clashing with actual physical relationships.

She narrated a story of how she found out that her husband had an alternate life on Twitter. According to him, the girls he talked to were just his friends on Twitter and he had never disrespected her in anyway. I told her not to jump to conclusions that some of my friends on TN were married. Heck, we watched them transition from single guys to married folk on TN and it would be foolish to assume that all our crazy bants on TN were a sign of adultery or anything untoward. She said I was just naive.

What do you think about online relationships and friendships? Are you averse to your spouse having online friendships? Is there a line that must be drawn for social media friendships? For instance, if we’re dating, should you slow down on your Facebook interactions or Twitter direct messaging? Do you want to know everything your spouse is getting up to on his/her smartphone?
Would you show your spouse the kind of conversations you have with your e-friends? If not then is it safe to say the friendship isn’t completely harmless then?

Courtesy:  madamenoire.com

Hot or Not? Nigerian Music Star Burna Boy shows off his Pecs in Calabar

Burna Boy sure brightened some ladies’ day.

To perform at the Glo Slide & Bounce Tour in Calabar, the Nigerian music star arrived on the carpet sans a shirt, showing all his toned pecs.

Thankfully Burna Boy didn’t go commando, opting for jeans.

So ladies what’s the verdict, is he hot or not? Let us know

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Wizkid Attacks Man By Pouring Drink On Him At A Bar In London

If the words of U.S based rapper, Wale are anything to go by, it was revealed that Wizkid got pissed at some guy at a bar while drinking Wale and got pissed off by some guy at the bar. Wale took to his twitter page to explain that Wizkid called the guy an Oloshi and poured his drink on him which in English translates to idiot. Wizkid and Wale have recorded a single together, we look forward to hearing it.
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Kenya Female Singer, Pendo Confesses That Her Night With Davido Was Pleasurable

Pendo is one of the hottest female singers in Kenya today that has a pool of followers. Recently, the lady confessed that her flighty night with Davido was the best in her entire life. Though, Davido, we gathered, has denied ever having anything to do with the artiste, however, the lady has confirmed that they actually have a pleasurable night together.

“If people had done even a little research, they would Davido does not even have a Facebook account. I NEVER said I was in touch with him through Facebook. I got in touch with him through a good friend of his *redacted* and that’s where everything started. He did the intro,” she said.

On if she actually slept with him and if the reason was to obtain money from him, she was too incoherent and couldn’t answer the question straight. “Errrrrrrrrrrm (laughs cheekily) No, I didn’t get money from him.

I didn’t WANT money from him. I did it simply because I find him hot and he is pretty legit in the music industry in Africa. Yeah, I am attracted by his talent, his fame, his power, but honestly, who isn’t? And people are talking so much because a lot of women wanted to be in my shoes, but were not. I’m not afraid to go after what I want.

That’s just me. And I am unapologetic for it. I am content that I got what I wanted -which was to know him- and I guess it just naturally progressed from there. He was perfect. (Laughing) Ok, ok. Errrrrrrrrrrm, he is much better than your “average Kenyan”. He is big. Both length and width. (Giggles) And best part is he really knows what he is working with.”

Hear this on how well he did work on her, Ha, you won’t let this go will you. Haha, no seriously though, he has CRAZY moves, he kept it fresh for a couple hours. I am impressed. Definitely the best…(hesitates) Ok maybe not the best I ever had, but he is up there.

Davido is not only a good lover but a gentleman. Not only did he not publicise the